How to get a spider out of your bathtub

  • notice spider in bathtub
  • try to pick up spider using washcloth, fails bc spider wary
  • try to pick up spider, or rather, induce spider to crawl onto wooden backscratcher purchased in Boston, fails bc spider wary
  • think about it
  • put larger washcloth in tub, leave for a while, hope spider maybe will crawl up washcloth on his or her own, succeeds
  • now spider is on the seat part of the deep old tub, so far so good, move washcloth so that spider can now climb that from the seat to the top of the tub, leave for a while, this seems to be the way to go
  • return and voila! spider nowhere to be seen, this is considered good

(if at any time a cat had eaten the spider then that would have been in the hands of a higher power)

What Connecting Dots has to say about “What the Critics are saying about Connecting Dots”

“A Staggering Wok of Heartbroken Genies” — Egg Davers

I am pretty sure I have read “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” by David Eggers, but for my purpose all I needed was a well-known book with a provocative title that someone on the first page of results calls ‘post-modern.’ If it works at all it’s because it scans right.

Also, a subliminal association forms between the book mentioned and this blog, good, bad, doesn’t matter and completely involuntary. I think this ought to come out at least morally neutral: either the reader thinks more highly of the blog by association with the book they like or think they like (plus for blog and no harm to book’s reputation) OR some sort of neutral association either or both ways (no harm) OR many other cases not considered (?) OR in the worst case, the blog harms the book’s value in the reader’s mind, which is a loss for a different person’s book’s reputation, which constitutes harm by words and is not allowed. And for which I apologize. But I don’t think it will happen often enough to matter.

“I hear a lot of people are saying he is the new John Joyce… ..” — The Real Donald Trump

The top search result is a John Joyce who is a Republican US Representative from, I think, Philadelphia. Follows the punning of Block 1. The ellipse and two dots are as close as I want to get to Stephen Colbert (that didn’t come out right).

“Couldn’t get it to compile.” — PC World

I have the feeling that I saw this or something similar on the back of a humorous book. Probably PC World doesn’t compile anything and it could be Programmer’s Journal of X or something but PC World is well-known by the general public.

“A writer for our time, [inserted by Connecting Dots]—and more’s the pity—” — The Lady’s Magazine, or Mirror of the Belle-Lettres, Fine Arts, Music, Drama, Fashions, &c., Improved Series, September 30, 1830, short story “The Breakfast.” by Mrs. Hofland. from Ackerman’s Juvenile Forget Me Not. Music 176, Page 126‡

Wanted a quote for the entire phrase but couldn’t easily find one so tried just the ‘and more’s the pity.’ It found two quotes from The Lady’s Magazine and this one had the em dashes. I might have come up with something as good as Mrs. Hofland on my own but I doubt it. “Ackerman’s Juvenile Forget Me Not” is way above my Pay Grade, Chris Ware¹ territory. Not sure if ‘Music 176’ means anything but it was displayed. (Update 29/5/2020 now I see it, “Forget Me Not. Music” it was right there under my eyes all the time.) Obsolete footnote out of order. I believe the monetization value of  typographical and proofreading in-jokes is zero. Now I see why John Joyce had such difficulties with his publishers, how the F is a proofreader supposed to know what is or is not an intentional error. On the other hand, doing things like this² gives me the option of saying, “Yeah? Well I meant it that way” which is considered good.

“The worst case of self-referential stream of consciousness journaling since ‘The Story of Mary MacLane’ by Mary MacLane.” — “Graphomania.” Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Disorders IV, §8, ¶3, line 44, characters 1–105.†

Out of date DSM. Spelling out DSM suggested by a friend. It’s much better, thanks. Debated whether or not to change the inappropriately detailed character numbers to a more plausible sequence not starting at 1, decided it didn’t matter. Adding the name of the author to the book was the last edit. This article has more or less settled down, the rubble-bouncing nearly over. “The Story of Mary MacLane” is a real book I’m reading, it was mentioned in a history of Surrealism, link available on request. Mary MacLane was a 19 year old genius living lonely in the West, Montana I think, and is one of the fiercest writers I have read.

‡ Quotation in full, “Oh! yes, Sir; and if Sir Richard had not been poorly and gone to foreign parts A writer for our time, [inserted by Connecting Dots]—and more’s the pity—‘ “What would have happened? Perhaps I can be your friend as well as he.”

Text from The Lady’s Magazine. Delightful. Good me associations: I been poorly and gone to foreign parts, Sir Richard ties to dad. Love the em dashes.

† DSM-IV go on to state that, “Sometimes individuals afflicted with Graphomania are charged with harassment of individuals and less frequently of court personnel including judges and prelate [s.i.c] [[sic]] officers.”

Final out of sequence footnote. DSM-IV treated as British English convention for plurals for organizations &c. This is a real quote from some version of the DSM. At the time of that version Graphomania was mentioned only in passing, not defined as an enumerable mental disease, it may be there now as I have been told they’re up to DSM-7. So I replaced whatever it was about with Graphomania. It ties in with the harm words do. I changed probate to prelate because I’m pretty sure it refers to something Catholic thus to John Joyce. Then added the sic, and looking up sic in Wikipedia learned that there are two (at least) errors you can make with sic itself: adding superfluous dots thinking it’s something it’s not and italicizing it as a foreign language which is an error for some reason I can’t remember. Added two more errors by accident, the mis-matched case of the brackets which I noticed right away and the omitted dot after the c which I noticed later. Then the proper sic inside the double brackets at the end and we’re done here. Almost. If you read it out loud you get “sick sick officers” which is surely worth something.

¹ This reminded me that I purchased a French version of “Jimmy Corrigan” from the local independent bookstore a while back before The Apocalypse. Now I suppose I’ll have to read that. While trying to make sure I wasn’t misspelling Ware or something equally stupid (not saying Ware himself is stupid, I meant I could make some different equally stupid error), I found it very difficult to find the Author’s name on the book. Spoiler: it’s there, but in very small type, and you have to root around for a while. Seems like an excellent way to do business.

² Missing reference.